One Again...

We were back to just one baby, just Joshua.  Even though we technically didn't need it anymore, we kept him in daycare for one reason:  he loved it.  He loved his teachers.  He loved his classmates.  He thrived under the routine of it all.  

Oddly enough, one of his teachers was my former student (hello, I'm old) and he adored her.  He suddenly became obsessed with Asian women.  Every Asian woman he saw was "Miss April."  When we bought Joshua a subscription to ABC Mouse, and he got to customize what he and his teacher looked like, he made his teacher Asian. Perhaps having a Burmese baby sister when Baby N was here for three months influenced him...

Life was definitely easier with one.  Joshua started sleeping through the night. School provided him with a routine so he woke up at the same time, napped at the same time, and went to bed at the same time.  It was nice.

But in the back of my mind, I kept wondering.  Joshua's mom was pregnant and due in May.  Who knew whether we would get the call for that baby too...

So Whatever Happened to Mom/Student Anyway...

When a student is on homebound for whatever reason, in this case, giving birth, they still are on your student roster.  And so, even though she went out on maternity leave in December, in March, mom/student was technically in my class.

Her doctors, for whatever reason, gave her not only six weeks or eight weeks but the rest of the school year to stay home on maternity leave — EVEN THOUGH SHE DIDN’T HAVE THE BABY UNTIL THE BABY WAS THREE MONTHS OLD.

How can this be justified?  She was missing school and getting two hours a day of homebound instruction (3/5 days which she canceled, all on the taxpayers' bucks).  She was staying home and sleeping. Oh, and watching those very instructive videos that teach you how to parent ONE DAY for two hours a week.  But let’s keep her home...

Anyway, soon after mom/student god Baby N home, I got an email from her guidance counselors saying she was being taken off my roster.  

Why?  

Because she was dropping out of school to take bars of her baby.

I had been talking to her about making arrangements for this baby’s from the second I learned of her pregnancy.  

And the kid dropped out.

Her counselor told me that when she tried to dissuade her from dropping out, when she asked her about getting an eduction to be a role model for her daughter, mom/student responded:

"I don’t need an education.  

Her father can be a role model."

** the baby’s father was 21 when he impregnated a 15-year-old girl, stole a car, and spent 10 months in jail. **

Oh, this poor baby.

Undercover Hippie

I may not look like it, but when it comes to parenting, I’m a hippie.

I’m all about co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and cloth diapering.  No bottles, no crib, no carriage.  Tiernen was worn in a front carrier and then a back carrier until she was old enough to walk long distances on her own.  I made her food, raised her vegetarian, and filled our house with books.

Fast forward to my foster mama-hood.  

Obviously, I can’t breastfeed.  Co-sleeping is a big no-no.  I

Just started cloth diapering (no diaper service here).  There are many things I do as a foster mom I wouldn’t do as a bio or adoptive mom.  We have a crib and a pack n play and about ten different carriages and strollers.  What can I do...  

But here’s one trend I hate.  Loathe.  Simple won’t do.

Using baby car seats to carry babies around.  

I just don’t get it.  

Sure, Tiernen’s infant car seat popped out and you could carry her around, but I never did.  I would just pick her up and either carry her in my arms or put her in the front or back carrier.

Maybe moms did this all the time in 1996 when I was a new mom, but I didn’t notice.  But I notice now.

I see it as minimizing contact with your infant and I just don’t get it.  I don’t get how this is the go-to way to carry your infant.

So you can imagine my surprise when we had to take Baby N to her doctor’s appointment and the nurse practitioner YELLED at me for carrying the baby in.

 She told me I BETTER have her in the car seat the next time.  

AND SHE CALLED THE AGENCY AND COMPLAINED ABOUT ME.

Are you kidding me?  

Since when is holding and comforting your infant a bad thing?

I was livid.  A year later, I still am.

Case Planner from HELL

So I thought I had the worst case planner back when we had Baby O and W.  

Nope.

When we got Baby N, The Agency apparently had no case planners.  So they repurposed someone else in another role.  Ours was Case Planner J and her real job at The Agency was a parent advocate.  

This is clearly a necessary position.  Parents need someone to help them navigate foster care. It’s scary to have your kid put in foster care!  How could it not be?   

Plus, I saw myself as my student’s advocate too.  After all, I was stepping over the typical foster mother role.  I was teaching her how to parent, feeding her, buying her, the baby, and her 9-year-old sister clothing and food regularly.  I was letting her sleepover, come see the baby when she wanted, let her get tutored in my home.  I figured old Parent Advocate and I would be kindred souls.

On papas, we should have been.

Except this woman clearly did not like me.  

She treated me like I was the one who took the baby from mom/student and not CPS.  She told me that the baby being in care was ridiculous, that she could be sent home any day.  Um, no, not without the judge awarding it.

She argued with me about mom/student having access to the baby so she could breastfeed her.  Anyone who talks to me more than 30 seconds on the subject will know that I am a huge breastfeeding advocate.  Tiernen never even had a bottle!  I would support student/mom nursing 100%.

Except she wasn’t nursing. 

Case Planner insisted she was.  I said the baby LIVES here and mom bottle feeds her.  She is not breastfed.

She fought me when mom/student didn’t show up for Baby N’a doctor appointments.  I told Case Planner from Hell that not only did I give mom/student the baby’s appointments, 

I BOUGHT HER A DAILY PLANNER AND WE WROTE DOWN THE DATES TOGETHER!  

How was her no show my fault?

Demon Case Planner told me to give mom/student access and then yelled at me when I said that she came over during the day while Tiernen was watching the kids.

It was horrible.

In her mind, parents were always right and foster parents were wrong.  I tried to tell her that the ONLY reason that Darryl and I agreed and took this baby was because this was my student and I was trying to help her.  I already HAD a baby at home (Joshua) with the very real possibility that we would be getting his sister in May when she was born.  I was doing this kid a favor.  I was not the enemy.

But not in her eyes.

I hope she’s somewhere, advocating hard for some deserving parents.  I just hope I’m never on the opposite side

Two under two

A redheaded boy and an Asian girl... sound familiar?

Remember when we had the W and Baby O?  Remember how hard I said having two kids was?  

Yeah, well apparently I didn't remember.

Having a newborn and a 17-month-old was a LOT of work.  Sleep?  What's that?  Clean laundry?  A thing of the past! 

So here I was with 17-month-old Joshua and a newborn.  Like a three day old newborn-newborn.  And she was TINY.  Tiernen was 9 lbs 3 1/2 oz and she was early!  This baby was about 5 1/2 lbs.  I’ve never seen a baby that was too small for newborn diapers or clothes, but this one was.

I knew that Baby N was short term.  Without a doubt, she was going back home to mom, even though it was a less-than-ideal situation.  Mom still has NO PLANS for who was going to watch the baby when she went back to school.  Her court-appointed attorney advised her to take each and every class at CareNet.  CareNet is a great resource that allows expecting and new moms to take classes and in return, they earn coupons that they can use to shop at CareNet’s store to everything from car seats to baby clothes.  I applaud it.

My only issue is that says it offers “abortion counseling” which is a nice way of saying “we will counsel you out of having an abortion.”  And I don’t like that.  Some women are NOT prepared to be mothers (ahem, this student) and some women don’t want to be mothers and some women just shouldn’t be mothers.  Abortion isn’t even talked about anymore.  I think that is sad.

Anyway, mom/student took the “classes” which, as she reported, was just watching videos.  Um.  Ok.  I also offered to allow her to come over and SLEEP over every day so she could learn how to take care of her baby.  She slept over twice, both times she left at 5 am saying she wanted to go home because she was up all night -‘d was tired.

Again, um.  Welcome to my life.  Between Baby N and Joshua, I was averaging 2 hours of sleep a night.  I was burned out.  Tiernen has both kids all day while Darryl and I were at work, plus she was attending grad school at night.  We were all crispy about the edges.  I would come home at lunch so Tiernen could shower and eat.  That meant that at lunch, I did not eat.  I was so tired and grumpy and miserable.

I was blessed with a pretty gnarly schedule that year and was done teaching my core classes by 11.  I had one 38 minute lab in the afternoon.  I called HR and asked if I could go on “foster maternity leave” which is actually a real thing.  I said I didn’t want my fostering to affect my students so I would still teach my core classes and take half days.  

I was told no.  

I asked if I could use sick time.

HR said I wasn’t sick and neither was the baby, so no.

I tried to explain it like this:  you know those shows “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”?  Well, I didn’t know I was getting an infant.  And, technically, it’s to

help a student, so shouldn’t I get double credit?

Nope.

After working all day, mom/student would be over my house with her homebound tutor so she could see the baby and learn at the same time.  It became obvious that mom/student wasn’t just an English language learner; she was clearly learning disabled.  She could not differentiate between a tank and a treaty (and it was matching with pictures.)

I was never so worried about a baby going home.

At the same time, I felt that Joshua was not getting the attention he deserved.  He was not even a toddler yet!  Out of utter desperation, I called to see if they had any openings at the Neighborhood Center and glory to God, come February, when Baby N was 7 weeks old and Joshua was 18 months old, they could start daycare, but only for the hours I was working.  Tiernen, at least, would get some sleep.

It was a very, very difficult three months.

Baby N grew quickly and was starting to smile when Utica Family Court decided that all her CareNet classes qualified her as a competent parent.  Mom/student had never been unsupervised with the baby, not even for a minute.

The Agency picked Baby N up from daycare and we didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye.

I never saw her again.