Birthday Dilemma with a Side of Guilt

 

In my family, first birthdays were always sort of a big deal.  I don't know if it is a New Jersey thing or an Italian American thing or a little bit of both, but everyone I know always had big bashes for their baby's first birthday.  Yes, I know, I know, the baby won't remember it, even if you took twenty thousand pictures.  It's mostly for the family.

I had a huge first birthday for Tiernen.  My brother had a huge first birthday for Miles.  My cousin had huge first birthdays for her two kids. It's just what we do.

When it comes to fosters, though, it's different.

We got Rhys when he was 13 months old, so we obviously didn't have a party for him.  When he turned two though, we went all out and rented the Children's Museum.  It was awesome!  When Waverly turned one, it was two months into COVID and we were super quarantined.  Her first birthday was still a big deal though, with tons of mermaid decorations and cakes and cupcakes made by my baker friend Jenn.  When she turned two, we had a huge party here with all our friends, and her third birthday a few weeks ago was at Rockin' Jump because I start to get anxious when I have to host in my home (this is a recent thing... I've had tons of large events in my house before... weird).

Here is the dilemma part:

Baby Chicken turns one next week. I didn't plan before now (and if you know me, you know that I am indeed a planner... I already have Halloween costumes planned and purchased by August every year).  My reason was not procrastination but rather practicality:  we didn't know if she would be sent home before her birthday.  

Since the courts seem to be taking this on a month-by-month basis, we know we will have her until at least after her birthday, so I will indeed get to celebrate with her.  This is not the issue.  

The issue is that I don't know how big I should go.  Do I plan this huge party with all my friends and family (my brother and his family cannot attend as it conflicts with other plans they have)?  Do I do something small with just us?  If I do something small with just us, I fear that I'm skimping out because it may be the only birthday we have with her.  And then the other part of me thinks that I should indeed go overboard for just that reason:  this may be our only one before she goes home.

I feel guilty giving her a big party because neither Rhys nor Waverly had a big first birthday with us.  Our big parties with them started at two.  I cannot assume we will have a second birthday with Baby Chicken.  

But then I feel guilty not giving it to her.

A friend suggested just having a few friends over, but my friends have a lot of kids, so it won't be a small party.

It's too late (three weeks) to plan something outside of my home.

I feel like whatever decision I make is the wrong one.