A Year with Joshua

And just like that, it was a whole year that we had Joshua a year.  It seemed unreal.  Prior to having Joshua, the longest we had ever had a placement was six months, and that was unofficially (Bram was technically only with us for four months, even though he stayed with us an additional two).  Even if we counted all of the time Bram was with us, this was double.

September 24 was twelve months that Joshua was in care. His mom was still having her visits at The Agency, even though they were pop ins (mostly unsupervised visits at The Agency where a worker pops in every once in a while to check on them).  She was not having visits at home.  She was not having overnights or anything like that.  Really, there had been no progress in the case.

Let's review "the law" according to the judge and Joshua's law guardian:

--if a child is in care 15 out of 22 months, then parents' rights are terminated (called TPR:  termination of parental rights) and the child is freed for adoption.  The foster family is always offered the first option to adopt the child.  Of course we would.  We loved him.  

Joshua had been in care 12/12 months.  He was with us half his life.  He didn't remember living with his parents.  He only remembered us.  Sure, he enjoyed his visits with his mother, or at least I assumed so (I wasn't there), but she posted videos on Facebook and he seemed happy enough.  At the same time, he never asked for her, never cried for her.  His visits with her were like playdates.  I wondered if he'd miss the if they stopped...

Joshua's law guardian also told us that TPR could be filed if the child was in care 12 out of 12 months.  And he was. 

December would be 15.  Would TPR happen?

When we went to court every few months, the judge would look at his mom's progress and say, "do X, Y, and Z and we will review your case next time."

It's shitty, honestly, and not because of the torture it puts on me or on the bio parents.  It's torture for the kids.  Could you imagine Joshua going home after all this time?

I don't know if I wrote about Grandma Cindy, but our neighbor who LOVES Joshua told me, "if he goes home, that's it, you aren't fostering anymore!  I can't keep getting attached to these kids!"

Me neither, Cindy, me neither.