Big Brother

The second court date with Joshua, way back in October after we first got him, his mother told me she was pregnant.  She was only a few weeks, but she said she knew her body and that she was pregnant.  She hadn't been to a doctor yet, but she was seriously considering having an abortion because 1) she was homeless, and 2) she felt she needed to put all her energy into getting her life together so she could get Joshua back.  

Made sense to me.

But she didn't have an abortion.  Joshua's father went to jail.  Joshua's mom and maternal grandmother got an apartment together.  They had visits with Joshua at The Agency (but weren't really consistent).  She was determined to do right by this baby AND get Joshua back.  

Again, a good plan.

Darryl and I kept asking our case planner if we should be planning on taking this baby too when s/he was born.  She said she didn't know.

Because here's the thing:  just because you have a kid (or several kids) in foster care and have another baby and get to take that baby  home.  I know. I don't get it either.  You would THINK that if the home was unsafe for one kid, it would be unsafe for all kids of those parents, but no.  That's not how it works.  

So we just kept in touch with Joshua's mother and asked how she was.  I crocheted her a baby blanket in the color of her choice (pink) when she found it she was having a girl.  She told me her name would be Kaylie Mae, which would have also been Joshua's name had he been a girl.

I was supportive of Joshua's mom, urged her quit smoking (she didn't) and keep up with all her services (she didn't) and to make sure she didn't test positive for anything she wasn't supposed to test positive for (she did.)

Joshua's mom had a very difficult pregnancy.  She was regularly in pain and went to the ER a lot.  I worried about her and the baby, but what could I do except be a cheerleader?  She went to rehab for a few weeks.  She said she was on the right path now...  She also said that Joshua's father was not this baby's father because she did the math.  Uh-oh.

And then one warm day in May, Kaylie Mae was born.  Joshua's mother texted me and after work, Joshua and I drove to the hospital to meet his new sister.  

He wasn't really interested in her, but he drank juice and sat on the hospital bed with his mother.  They had snacks and watched TV.  No other visitors were there. No flowers.  No balloons.  I felt guilty for not bringing any, at least from Joshua.  I remembered my own delivery when I was kicking people out of the room so many people wanted to visit.  This was just sad.  The room was sad.  I was sad.

So I held the baby (a guaranteed cute for anti-sadness for me). She was nondescript as most newborns are.  She looked like the newborn pictures I had seen of baby Joshua.  She was bald as can be

I wondered if I would be getting a call in a few days.