When you aren't in the foster world, you really are ignorant to the "process" of what happens when a child is taken in CPS custody. I know I was. And I had the "luxury" of going through all those many hours of fostering class.
Even as a "mandated reporter" (which I am as a teacher), I didn't even know what happens in the world of Child Protective Services.
First of all, just because a parent is under CPS investigation does NOT mean the child is automatically taken away (hello, lawsuits). Anyone can make a report. Sometimes these reports are made maliciously.
For example, a friend of mine's bitter ex-husband decided she was "on drugs" because we went to Happy Hour one day with coworkers when her kids were visiting with him. He called CPS, and within 24 hours, she had to pee in a cup (she actually sent me the picture of the pee in the cup... she was mortified!) The pee collecting/testing staff there, used to less-than-stellar people, I'm sure, got all pissy (pun intended) with her because she got there minutes before they closed. She explained that AS A TEACHER, she had to work that day. When she handed over her urine, the staff member said to her in an oh-so condescending tone,
"And what are we going to find in here?"
She, being a BIOLOGY TEACHER, snapped back with,
"Chloride, sodium, potassium, creatinine, but mostly urea and water" (Note: all found in EVERYONE'S URINE)
Of course they found no drugs. I'm just illustrating that not all people who are investigated did anything wrong.
So, when a person is "under investigation," the first thing that happens is the CPS worker checks the kid out. Any bruises? Broken bones? You get it. They interview the child as well as family members and other kids in the family if there are any. This is done by CPS caseworkers (not to be confused with case PLANNERS which is what all foster kids are assigned by their various agencies).
Caseworkers go on a fact-finding mission and decide whether there was indeed abuse or neglect. More importantly, their job is to connect the parents with services to help them and their kids, such as SNAP if there was food insecurity or housing resources if that was an issue.
They are supposed to do this within 30 days.
If at the conclusion of their investigation, the caseworker determines that the child is not safe and needs to be protected, then the child is removed from his/her parents.
Before we label them the Big Bad Wolves, know that they do their best to keep the child in contact with his/her family. The family is asked to list three adults who can provide care and support the kiddo while the parents are working on getting the services they need. If three adults cannot be found by the family OR if the three adults are UNWILLING OR UNABLE to care for the child, then that's when foster care kicks in.
When CPS removes a kid, by law, they are required to have a court hearing within two weeks (it is usually much sooner, in my experience, but I also live in a smallish city of 65K people.)
The kiddo gets an attorney (attorney or guardian at litem: "for the lawsuit" for those of you who need to brush up on their Latin... I googled it...) whose job it is to have the child's best interest at hand. Parents can either hire an attorney or, more often than not, get one appointed by the court. If the parents aren't married, they usually get their own.
At this time, the judge determines whether CPS taking the kid was justified. If it was, the kid stays in foster care or kinship care. If it wasn't, the child is sent home with his/her parents.
If the kid is sent home at this time, obviously I am never involved. Remember my first placement call? I never saw that little boy because the judge returned him to his parents.
If the kid is put in foster care, then court becomes a regular thing. For Bram, we were at the court every four weeks for a status hearing on how Erin was doing. With Baby O and W, I only had one, but they were only with me nine weeks. For Joshua, we had them every six weeks additionally, and now only every few months. I guess it varies.
Again, before we demonize these judges, the plan is always to send the kid home with mom and/or dad. The only reason it doesn't happen is if they aren't following through with the classes and services. In Erin's case (Bram's mom), she got her shit together fairly quickly! This is not always the case...
Five to six months after a child is in foster care, there is the big mamba jamba of hearings: the permanency hearing. CPS has their own lawyer who presents in the progress of the parents. It is then decided whether the parents are stable enough to have their kid back (like in Bram's case), whether the kid goes to a family member (like in Baby O and W's case), or whether the child stays in CPS custody for the next five or six months until the next permanency hearing.
If a child is in foster care for 15 out of 22 months (and it doesn't have to be consecutive months), then CPS and the agency in question can ask for TPR, or termination of parental rights. This was what they were going for when I had that one court date for Baby O and W and their brother. Before TPR happened though, mom gave up custody to grandma. This is called surrendering.
Surrendering of parental rights is when the parent agrees voluntarily to give up these rights without TPR.
The more you know...
Nope, not just Dr. Phil is a mandated reporter. (How many times does he say that during shows anyway? Do we have to have to be reminded? We know, Dr. Phil, we know!)
According to the New York State Office of Children and Family Services, people in certain jobs are REQUIRED to report suspected child abuse or maltreatment. Um, as a responsible adult in the world, shouldn't this include everyone?
Ethically, I guess so.
But for these folks (including yours truly), it is a LEGAL responsibility. We can face civil and criminal charges if we "intentionally" fail to make a report.
Are you one of them? I hope you already know, but just in case you didn't...
If you are a social worker, you just might be a mandated reporter.
If you are licensed creative arts, marriage and family, or mental health therapist, you just might be a mandated reporter. Same goes for licensed psychoanalysts. (Does this mean if you are not licensed you are off the hook?)
If you are a physician, a surgeon, a dentist or dental hygienist, chiropractor, osteopath, optometrist, or podiatrist, heck, even if you work in a hospital and have anything to do with admitting, examining, caring for, or treating people, you just might be a mandated reporter. (Shouldn't they just say "doctor" and call it good?)
If you are a medical examiner or coroner, you just might be a mandated reporter. (Yup, you aren't exempt even if you are dealing with the dead!)
If you are a resident or intern, registered nurse, PA, psychologist, or mental health professional, you just might be a mandated reporter.
If you are a substance abuse or alcoholism counselor, you just might be a mandated reporter.
If you are a peace officer, police officer, or an EMT, you just might be a mandated reporter.
If you are a district attorney, assistant district attorney, social services worker, or even an investigator employed by the DA, you just might be a mandated reporter. (This one seemed fairly obvious.)
Here's where I come in:
If you are a school official, daycare center worker or family daycare worker, you just might be a mandated reporter. (I feel so OFFICIAL!)
If you work for or are even a volunteer with youth, child care, of foster care, you just might be a mandated reporter. (Again, fairly obvious.)
And lastly, if you are a Christian Science Practioner, you just might be a mandated reporter. (Uh, why was nothing was said about religious clergy... hmmm... why are we only singling out Christian Scientists? Are they known for their child abuse coverups?)
Note: when I said "you just might be a mandated reporter," I mean you absolutely are. You should know this already, duh.
Halloween! It is my favorite time of the year. I can still name all of Tiernen's Halloween costumes when she was little (don't ask me to name the ones she pics now). Even as an adult, I dress up every year for my students. I simply love it.
I was excited to dress up Joshua for Halloween.
At first, I was going to dress him up as Ron Weasley. It seemed like a no brainer: I love Harry Potter. He has red hair. I looked everywhere for a costume I liked but I just couldn't find one. Perhaps in the future...
Joshua looks very good in green with his pale skin, red hair, and shocking blue eyes. I wanted something simple and green. A frog? A turtle!
I searched for costumes, but again, everything was Ninja Turtles, and thought I love ninjas and turtles, I do not love Ninja Turtles. I decided I would make something.
I am not crafty, but I thought I'd try anyway.
I went to Primary which is my favorite clothing store for kids online. The clothes are in a variety of colors including black and gray but have NO logos. I love that. They are perfect for kids and babies. I bought one-piece green pajamas and a green hoodie (just in case it was too cold, even inside, for just the pajamas).
That was the "body."
For the shell, I did some online searching, ended up here, and did my best. I think it came out pretty well!
Being a foster mom isn't really all that different from being a mom.
Except you have no idea when the kids will be taken from you.
And you have no control over things like haircuts.
And you can't just go on a spontaneous trip out of state.
And you have to have your home, family life, history, medical background, and spirituality evaluated and questioned on an annual basis.
Other than that, it is exactly like being a mother.
When it was time for my re-cert, my new strong person (the previous strong person had left for another position in another agency) came and checked over our house. She asked us a million questions, and one of them was, "What do you think you do well as a foster parent?"
Honestly, if I thought I was a shitty foster parent, I wouldn't do it. I mean, it isn't like gardening. If I were a shitty gardener and all my plants died, boo hoo, I lost some money, my feelings were hurt, and they revoked my green thumb membership, but no one was hurt. If you are a shitty foster parent, well, you are fucking up someone else's kid who most likely came from a fucked up situation to begin with. If you think you are a horrible foster parent, um, don't be one. Obviously, we think we are pretty good at it. Duh.
I couldn't tell her all that.
I could tell her how I loved the kids in my home like they were my own, how we spent tons of our own money on them, how we took them on vacations and day trips, how we read to them each night, took them to the library for story hour, swimming lessons, etc. All this is true, but I don't know if that necessarily sets me apart.
Here's what does:
I'm really good about making connections with the foster child's family. I did so with Bram (we are friends with his family to this day). I have an ongoing text relationship with Baby O and W's grandma. And I was committed to connecting with Joshua's mom and/or dad when I got to meet them too.
I try to put myself in the other person's shoes. How would I feel if my child couldn't be with me? I, of course, would be a wreck! I make it a point to take and share a ton of pictures. I text when the child is sick, update on funny things they do or say, report about their milestones. I do this not only to the case planners but to the parents directly. I let them know that I am there for THEM as well and they can reach out and connect with me whenever they feel so moved.
I know I am not required to do this. I know that many foster families and birth parents have antagonistic relationships with one another. This is not the case with me.
I think I'm a pretty nice person and I don't want these parents to see me as the enemy.
This is my Foster Mom Super Power.
The next day on my lunch break, I called The Agency to try to get some information about Joshua. I was transferred a few times and then was given the number to his case planner. Her boss told me she was "very new," in fact, Joshua was her first intake client (all her others were already foster children at The Agency when she started working there).
I called and miraculously, she answered. She sounded very young, and from her last name, I knew she was Italian (bonus). When I told her my name, she asked if I was a teacher at Proctor. I told her I was, and she said she didn't have me (I knew that) but that she remembered me (most people do) and that she had friends who were in my class (small town, one high school, even though it is large). She graduated just two years before Tiernen. Crazy.
We talked for the entirety of my lunch break and she told me that she didn't have much information about Joshua, only that he was taken into care on Friday and that on Monday he needed a new placement. She said she was free that afternoon and asked if she could stop by. I said she could.
I asked about the voucher so I could get him clothes and supplies. She told me that they must still be with the former placement and that she would contact them and would get back to me. If possible, she said, she would bring them when she came to visit us that afternoon.
She came to our home after school with a Walmart bag and a case of Walmart diapers. This, I guessed, was the haul from the former foster parent purchased with The Agency voucher. Inside were onesies and several outfits for Joshua, all labeled with his initials on the inside tag. That would make it much easier to differentiate. They weren't exactly clothes I would pick out, but then again... not my baby...
She told me she had very little information: Joshua had been taken into care on Friday and place with a family friend. Because it was the weekend, The Agency hadn't inspected the home. When they did on Monday, they decided, for whatever reason, that the home wasn't up to standard. (I remembered the weeks we had spent getting our own house "foster ready." It was a big process. I didn't blame the family friend for not having everything that s/he needed. But apparently, it wasn't something that could be easily remedied, like installing smoke detectors in the bedrooms.)
While the case planner was there, her phone rang. It was, I surmised, the family friend.
"No, I'm sorry, that decision wasn't made by me... no, there's nothing that can be done... the house was deemed inappropriate... let me call you back because I'm at a placement right now."
Before our half-hour visit was over, she (I found out it was a she) would call another ten times. The case planner let it go to voice mail.
She had no information about Joshua's parents or why he was put into care. She told me that when she found out, she would let me know.
She left, and that was the second day with our boy.
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