Foster Mom Super Power

Being a foster mom isn't really all that different from being a mom.  

Except you have no idea when the kids will be taken from you.

And you have no control over things like haircuts.

And you can't just go on a spontaneous trip out of state.

And you have to have your home, family life, history, medical background, and spirituality evaluated and questioned on an annual basis.

Other than that, it is exactly like being a mother.

When it was time for my re-cert, my new strong person (the previous strong person had left for another position in another agency) came and checked over our house.  She asked us a million questions, and one of them was, "What do you think you do well as a foster parent?"

Honestly, if I thought I was a shitty foster parent, I wouldn't do it.  I mean, it isn't like gardening.  If I were a shitty gardener and all my plants died, boo hoo, I lost some money, my feelings were hurt, and they revoked my green thumb membership, but no one was hurt.  If you are a shitty foster parent, well, you are fucking up someone else's kid who most likely came from a fucked up situation to begin with.  If you think you are a horrible foster parent, um, don't be one.  Obviously, we think we are pretty good at it.  Duh.

I couldn't tell her all that.

I could tell her how I loved the kids in my home like they were my own, how we spent tons of our own money on them, how we took them on vacations and day trips, how we read to them each night, took them to the library for story hour, swimming lessons, etc.  All this is true, but I don't know if that necessarily sets me apart.  

Here's what does:

I'm really good about making connections with the foster child's family.  I did so with Bram (we are friends with his family to this day).  I have an ongoing text relationship with Baby O and W's grandma.  And I was committed to connecting with Joshua's mom and/or dad when I got to meet them too.

I try to put myself in the other person's shoes.  How would I feel if my child couldn't be with me?  I, of course, would be a wreck!  I make it a point to take and share a ton of pictures.  I text when the child is sick, update on funny things they do or say, report about their milestones.  I do this not only to the case planners but to the parents directly. I let them know that I am there for THEM as well and they can reach out and connect with me whenever they feel so moved.

I know I am not required to do this.  I know that many foster families and birth parents have antagonistic relationships with one another.  This is not the case with me.  

I think I'm a pretty nice person and I don't want these parents to see me as the enemy.

This is my Foster Mom Super Power.