Ten Things to Do When You Are Waiting for a Foster Placement

I get it.  The waiting sucks.

I would say it is the worst part of being a foster parent, but really, that's a lie.  The worst part is when they are going home, even when, in the case with my three boys, they are going home with family.  You still miss the hell out of them.  Even with Bram, who we still had contact with all the time, it isn't the same as having the kiddo in your house and caring for them on a daily basis.  They aren't "your" kid anymore, plain and simple.  

I've met other parents who have gone through the foster care classes who struggle with waiting for "the call."  It is particularly frustrating when your home is open, you are willing and ready, you hear alllll these commercials that talk about how much there is a need for foster parents... why the heck aren't they calling YOU?

Here is an unofficial list in no particular order of things I do while waiting for "the call."

Take classes.

Most agencies offer ongoing training.  For example, The Agency that we go through requires the initial 10 week MAPP training, but also requires 5 hours of ongoing training each year.  This includes mandatory refreshers about giving out meds, etc.  

There are also additional optional classes such as CPR, foster parent support groups, classes for dealing with schools, navigating the court system, etc.

Research your daycare options.

If you are planning on taking a child that isn't school age and you work, make sure you have your daycare ducks in a row.  We get very little notice when "the call" comes.  Yes, most agencies work with county organizations to arrange daycare, but this isn't immediate.  There are waiting lists (especially for children under 18 months) that can be lengthy (upwards of a year sometimes!)  Remember that any county-paid daycare, whether in-home or at a facility, must be licensed or it will not be accepted.

Make sure you have a back up!  This is a good thing to arrange before you have a kiddie at home.

Organize your stash.

In our attic, labeled by size (newborn, 0-3 months, 3-6 months, etc.) we have baby clothes in storage bins from ages newborn to 2T.  We put both gender clothing together and try to buy lots of gender-neutral clothing when possible.  We also lump all seasonal clothes together for space purposes.  When we get a call, we just go up to the attic, grab a bin, and bring down the clothes that fit that child.  We also have boxes of diapers in every size just to get us started.

Take advantage of hand-me-downs.

Any clothing that you purchase for an individual child with the child's monthly stipend belongs to the child and will leave with them when they return home.  This will NOT be a sufficient amount of clothing, and in our case, we bought tons of clothes with our own money that would stay at our home to be reused with different fosters.  Take advantage of friends and family members who want to give you hand-me-down clothes and equipment and store them.  We currently have nine car seats in three different sizes for each of our three cars.

While agencies require you to buy new clothing for the foster children with their stipends, I personally love to utilize children's resale stores like Once Upon a Child.


Be prepared.

After Baby O, we always make sure we have an unopened can of formula and a variety of bottles and sippy cups on hand.  You never know when a call is going to come in the middle of the night.  You might not want to trek out to Walmart in a blizzard.

Additionally, we have linens, clothes, toys, books, etc.

Connect with at least one other foster family.

No one understands what being a foster parent is like than another foster parent.  It can be a stressful, depressing, frustrating experience.  Sometimes you just need another foster parent to vent to because NO ONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS!  


I was fortunate enough to make some very good connections through foster class that I talk to regularly.  We share the frustrations and the joys of being a foster parent, and we vent away about The Agency, the case planners, CPS, etc.  Believe me, this is essential to your mental health.

Join online support groups.

There are also a ton of online foster parent support groups.  Two that I belong to are Foster the Family and the NY Adoptive & Foster Coalition, both on Facebook.  There are so, so many more!

This is also a great way to connect to others "in the know."  Sometimes, even if you are just lurking, it is a way to realize that you are not alone in this very lonely process.

Get familiar with WIC.

Most (dare I say all?) foster kids receive WIC, and it is expected that you continue with these services so that if/when the child goes back home, there is no lapse in their services.

Find out where your nearest WIC office is, research what each child is allocated each month, educate yourself about the WIC app, etc.  For me, the biggest hurdle was getting over the WIC guilt, and I can't say I'm still completely over it.  Every time I use it, I think, "This cashier thinks I'm poor!" or if I know the cashier (common when you have taught locally for 12 years) "This cashier thinks I'm milking the system even though I make enough money to afford this."  It is a tangled web of guilt and embarrassment.  I have to keep telling myself it is for the child and I need to get over it.

Know your alphabet soup.

CPS, DSS, CASA, TPR, BD, OHI... it is a confusing mass of acronyms that get tossed around in the foster care world that you are somehow expected to know (especially in the online groups!)

Learn your ABCs of foster care in sites like this one.    Be ahead of the race!

Kid-proof your house.

If you already have kids, then maybe this will already be done.  Maybe your kids are older though, or maybe they just know not to touch mom's special tchotchke on the coffee table.  A foster kid won't know.  You might have to put up baby gates (we have tons now).  You may have to get your pets ready to welcome grabby hands.  You might have to buy those little electrical outlet covers.  There are a ton of things you just don't think of (at least I didn't). 

Realize that these kids coming in might not know what is okay to touch and what is not.  Until you teach them, it is best to make sure everything is safe as can be, for everyone's sake.