Bye, Bye Baby

We were scheduled to bring Baby O to The Agency at 4 P.M. that Monday.  Tiernen didn't want to go with me because she said it was too sad.  I forced Darryl to come with me.  I needed the emotional support.

I packed up all his clothes, his diapers, his bottles, his blankets, his favorite toys.  I wrote pages and pages of notes in a special journal outlining his schedule so the new foster mom could pick up where we left off.  No, he wasn't sleeping through the night... Yes, he still needed to be rocked to sleep...

In the lobby of The Agency was a woman with a little boy who looked so much like Baby O, I knew he had to be the three-year-old brother.  I did not see the eight year old.  I guessed he hadn't arrived yet.  I approached him and she smiled at me with such sympathy, I knew that she had to be the new foster mom and not the old one.  

I took off Baby O's heavy winter jacket and hat, but I didn't hand him over to the new foster mom.  I was so jealous!  Instead, I started talking to the three-year-old.

"You must be X.  This is your brother O."

He smiled.  "My baby?"  he asked shyly.  

"Yes, your baby brother."  

The three-year-old had the same mop of curls, they these were lighter and much longer.  He had a dirty face and I resisted the urge to take out a wipe and clean his face. He needed a haircut.  Unlike Baby O who was dressed up in the best clothes I had for him, the three-year-old definitely looked like he was in foster care, if that makes sense.

"Sit down and you can hold him," I told the three-year-old, and I held him on his brother's lap.  I started to tell the new foster mom about his schedule and that I had written it all down.  She said, "I know how hard it is, believe me, I know."  That made me feel better, but I was still jealous.

Then the case planner, whom I had never met before, came out of the office.  She picked up Baby O's bags and binder and said, "Okay, thanks for everything."

I was frozen.  Shocked.  Horrified.  That was it?  We were dismissed?  She wanted us to hand over the baby like she just bought our old car from the Want Ads?  Yes, we had only had him ten days, but even if we had only had him an HOUR, he would have deserved a warmer send off.

The new foster mom, a woman I had met only minutes before, could see my distress.  "Why don't we go in the back?"  she suggested.  I wanted to hug her.

The case planner sighed, annoyed, and led us to an empty conference room.  I still hadn't let go of the baby.

I kept talking to the brother while explaining to the new foster mom about the detailed notes I had made about Baby O's last ten days with us, how often he ate, how long he slept, his personality, etc.

"Okay, we need to wrap this up," the case manager said.  We hadn't even been in the room five minutes.

"Don't we have to wait for the other brother?" I said, trying to buy time.

"Uh, no," the case planner said, "he won't be coming for a few weeks."

None of it made sense to me.  They were moving Baby O out of our house and moving the three-year-old out of the house he had been staying at for who know's how long so they could go to this new house that could take all three brothers BUT all three brothers weren't even going to be there for a few weeks?  How was that in anybody's best interest?

The case planner stood, my queue to leave.  

"I'll keep in touch," the foster mother said, "I promise."  I opened up the journal and scribbled down my number, Darryl's, Tiernen's...

"Thank you so much," I said, trying not to cry.

I walked out into the darkening winter sky to my car, not feeling the cold, trying to ignore the empty car seat in the back of my car.