WIC, Haircuts, and Other Things You Have No Control Over

Want to hear the sad thing?  When you are a foster parent, you don't really have any!

Even though you care for the child in your home 24/7 for days, weeks, months, and sometimes years, treat them as your own, feed them, clothe them, buy them presents for holidays, throw them birthday parties, and LOVE THEM, it is CPS who has legal custody of the child.

You can make decisions for the child like, "I think I'll put the red shirt on little Johnny today," but you can't get Little Johnny a haircut without Little Johnny's parents' permission. If they say no haircut, Little Johnny can have hair like a Rastafarian. 

You can't take Little Johnny out of the state, even if it is on the best vacation ever without parental permission, even if the parents haven't seen Little Johnny in months.  The Agency has to attempt contact with the parents three times and if they cannot get ahold of them, then you can appeal to the commissioner (of foster care?  I never found out) to make the decision for you.  If at any time the parents say no, Little Johnny isn't going on that trip.

Now let's say that it was for Christmas and you were going out of town. You have two choices.  You can cancel your plans (bummer) OR you can put this child that you love as your own in respite care, which is putting Little Johnny with another foster parent (usually a stranger to both you and the child).  Talk about traumatizing.  Since you consider Little Johnny a part of your family, your holiday sucks because you worry about him the entire time.  It's a lose-lose situation.

You can only bring your foster child to whatever pediatrician he or she was going to before. This may be in a different town than where you live.  You have to go and show paperwork every single time that you are Little Johnny's foster mother.  The nurses and doctors ask tons of questions about why Little Johnny is in foster care, how long he will be there for, if you are adopting him, and you don't have the answers for this.  

Even though, allegedly, this pediatrician has dealt with both The Agency and foster parents before, they still do not understand that you cannot legally sign for Little Johnny's shots.  You have to call The Agency and have the same paperwork faxed over that you already showed them, which takes a really long time, all with a sad half-dressed baby who is only going to get sadder because a strange nurse is about shove needles into their legs.

Foster parents are also required to continue with whatever services the parents had been receiving which usually means WIC (Women-Infants-and Children).  WIC is an awesome program that provides formula and baby food and nutritious food to pregnant and nursing women.  The program is amazing and I'm not knocking it at all.  What I am knocking is that you have to explain MANY times to MANY different people that you are the child's foster parent, that the name and address for the parent is no longer valid until the child is returned, and that you will be using the child's benefits for the foster child so the mother does not have a lapse in services when she gets the baby back.

You show them the SAME paperwork you show the doctor saying that the baby is in CPS/Agency custody, that you are the foster mom, blah blah blah.  The nutritionist asks you questions like,

"did you have a normal pregnancy and delivery?"  

"how much did the baby weight when s/he was born?"

"what formula has the baby been drinking?"

"why didn't you decide to breastfeed?"

"when did the baby start sleeping through the night?"

"how did you first learn about our services?"

You have the answer to almost none of these questions because you ARE THE FOSTER MOTHER. Then WIC asks you for your SNAP benefit card or Medicaid number.  Since you have neither, they explain to you are not eligible for the services here and you explain yet again that it isn't YOUR income that we are talking about here but the biological mother's (and no, you do not have access to her information).  You are told you need to provide SOME sort of income for the child, so you have to have The Agency fax over the form saying that the child gets $18/day or $540/month.  Since that qualifies as "low income," the child qualifies for WIC.

Thank goodness.

Oh, but remember, as a foster parent you DO have one right:  If the child is freed for adoption (they almost never are), the foster parent is asked FIRST if they want to adopt the child.  I guess that's good to know.