"Pack Him Up"

It was about eight weeks after Erin's shoulder surgery when we had another court date.  We had them once a month, and each time it was the same:  we would all wait in the hallway, the case worker, DSS, and various lawyers would go in and speak to the judge, and then they would come back out and fill us in.

Erin never got to see the judge, let alone speak to her.

If she was lucky, she got to talk to her lawyer for all of five minutes.

Erin was doing everything she was supposed to do:  mandatory drug tests, counseling, etc.  She had been clean since mid-January and was doing great!  She was featured on the front page of the local newspaper for starting a resource for other's struggling with addiction.  (You can check out the article here!)

We honestly didn't think anything was going to change.  Erin's shoulder was far from healed.  She was far from cleared by her surgeon and physical therapist.  And... she had less than six months clean.

The case worker came out of the office and we assumed that she would just say what she always said:  "everything's the same; court in four weeks" which is what she had said every other time we had gone to court.

This time, the case worker stormed out the the court room.  She walked right up to me and said, "Pack him up."  

Erin and I looked at one another, confused.  Huh?

"Your lawyer did one hell of a job.  He's going home.  Today."

Erin started to have a panic attack, a full on panic attack.  She started to cry.  The case worker, DSS worker, and her lawyer surrounded her and tried to calm her down.  They called me over too.

The lawyer kept saying, "You're ready.  You can do it."

But Erin did not feel ready.  And she was crying because she felt so conflicted -- if she said that, would they think she was an unfit mother?  Would they think she didn't want her son?  That couldn't be further from the truth.  She just needed time to put on her own damn oxygen mask.  Didn't they realize this?

They didn't.

Reluctantly, they gave her two more weeks to prepare for Bram's return.  Please know that while he was having unsupervised visits during this time, he wasn't having overnights yet.  She couldn't lift him up and needed Ibro or her mother or one of the boys to physically lift Bram if he needed to be comforted or changed.  Of course, Bram didn't understand why his mother couldn't lift him and he would cry.  She was petrified that if he woke up during the night to be fed or needed to be changed, she wouldn't be able to physically pick him up out of the crib.  Why didn't they understand this?

Two weeks.

During this time, Erin and I decided that The Agency really didn't care about her or Bram.  They saw how well she was doing and wanted to close the case.  They weren't looking at her physical limitations (and lack of help) because of her surgery.  They weren't concerned with Bram's transition.  They just did not care.

So, we came up with our own plan.  Because we DID care about Bram.  Because we WERE aware of her physical limitations and lack of help.  Because we WERE concerned with his transition.

We decided to implement operation Yes Them to Death.